And you, my friend, should probably consider a career in sales and marketing. 
We all have different resources and restrictions, so different solutions for different situations.
To me, now that Jonathan and others have enlightened me on exactly what was going on here, the issue has become a triviality. Over the past 24 hours, I have come up with half a dozen different ways, I can prevent this issue from ever happening again. I need only 1 solution and I have 10 weeks to solve it. 
About 6 lines of code will have to change in my cert renewal procedure and the issue is solved.
Hardly worth abandoning the whole methodology and embarking on an entirely new approach.
But, I am glad you found your solution at Cloudflare and thanks for pitching in.
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